Bi Men Network: Burleson Essay Page

What Does it Mean to "Work" Pride?	WHY BI?
KISSING JESSICA STEIN	WHAT DOES BISEXUAL MEAN?
HOW VERY QUEER	HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE?
BRING OUT THE BISEXUALS	BI COMMUNITY DANCE

What Does it Mean to "Work" Pride?
By Bill Burleson

Have you ever "worked" GLBT Pride? No, not like that. I mean have you ever worked a booth at the fair?

If not, I suggest you check it out. Trust me. This is THE way to enjoy Pride. Hanging around from dawn to dusk both Saturday and Sunday in one of those flimsy white canvas ten-by-ten tents means you get a ring side seat for the best people watching this side of Provincetown. Best of all, you get to see and visit with all your friends, all in one weekend. Sooner or later they all come strolling by. If I wasn't volunteering at a nonprofit booth every year, I swear I'd rent my own ten-by-ten space at the fair, set up my tent, put out some easy chairs, fire up a hibachi, and kick back and hang out with all my buds.

"What group is this booth representing?" people would ask. "BWB: Bis Who Barbeque" I'd say.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. 2002 marked my fourteenth Pride Fair. That, my friends, is a lot of Pride. I had gone to it when I was closeted, betting I was showing what a cool straight guy I was. I went to it when it was Gay and Lesbian Pride. I went to it the first year it was GLBT Pride and have been there ever since. I sold merchandise at the Fair when I had a business. I've worked in four different organization's booths, often more than one in the same year. I was holding down a tent when the thunderstorm roared through the fair on Nicollet Island and pretty much trashed everything. I have sat through many, many a rainy day, soaked to the bone. Hell, what can I say; I love it.

While I enjoy working the fair, let's be clear that I do it for more than entertainment reasons. I am in search of my community, or, more accurately, my communities.

The first community I can in search of I found the minute I walked in the park 14 years ago: the greater GLBT community. A community of people who, like me, battles homophobia in their everyday world. A community that finds (or perhaps increasingly now I could say found) no representation, no acknowledgement, no recognition in society. I found at GLBT Pride, and still find after all these years, my fellow travelers. I am so grateful.

The next community I came in search of is the bisexual community. Until only a few years ago, I didn't know any other bisexuals. Or at least I thought I didn't. Bisexuals can be quite invisible; unless someone is wearing a shirt that says "Hey! I'm Bisexual!" there is no way to identify my fellow bis by sight. Even at pride, finding the community can be tricky, although my "Hey! I'm Bisexual!" shirt helps.

Invisibility has also lead to the common belief that there aren't any bisexual people at the event. Let me tell you, this is so wrong. For the last four years I've worked the Bisexual Organizing Project booth, and, believe me, we are everywhere. Last year, the BOP gave away 1000 stickers that said "Bis Are Hot" in the first eight hours.

Those who spend time working the booth witness just how important the event is for our community. We have a good time: hanging out, grilling, playing Twister and meeting new friends. That's all great fun, but really the best part of Pride is reaching those who really need us to be there. People like me a few years ago who thought they might be the only bi in the world. People who need good information about this "bi" thing. People who need the support of knowing that there is a community out there. People who need to know that bis are hot.

So at GLBT Pride I have found my communities. I have found the support I had hoped for from a GLBT community, and revel in the celebration of our pride. And I have found my bisexual community. We were always there, but, increasingly, now we can find each other. So if you haven't yet, next year consider working Pride. Not only will you be of help to whatever communities you are part of, you can't beat shirtless men strolling by your easy chair and hibachi on a sunny afternoon. Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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WHY BI?
By Bill Burleson

An interesting topic came up the other day as I was drinking coffee late at night with three other bi folks. We know bisexual behavior is common. Kinsey would say up to 40% depending on how you count. We know that identifying as bisexual is a lot less common. Surveys say 1 to 4% of the population. So what is it about us, drinking coffee way too late at night, that makes us part of those 1-4% and not part of the rest? How is it we came here, but most others didn't?

For me, there are two answers. First, I am privileged to have grown up with some understanding of the word. However accurate, at least I knew what "bisexual" meant when coming of age.

Second, I am a stubborn man. When I suffered and still suffer the endless parade of people telling me I don't exist, that I am deluding myself, that there is no such thing, that I have to chose, I said "Bull Shit." I said don't tell me how I feel, who I am.

This is perhaps one of the few times this character trait has served to my benefit.

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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KISSING JESSICA STEIN
By Bill Burleson

I went to the film Kissing Jessica Stein not long ago. Not a bad film, the lead was a little week, but I'm not here to play Roger Ebert, as tempting as that is.

No, I want to discuss a huge problem these bi activist eyes couldn't miss. For ninety minutes two women, who were dating men, have a relationship. They sleep together and ogle men together. Along the way they come out about their relationship to their family, friends and co-workers. All this, and never, not once, did the word "bisexual" ever come up.

How can this be?

I'd like to brush it off as ignorance, but that's just what I did with Chasing Amy and Bedrooms and Hallways.

Bisexuals are invisible in film as we are in society. To be fair, producers are not in the business of educating people about bisexuality. And maybe they see the word "bisexual" as too much of a pejorative.

I guess what it comes down to is: two straight women having sex, or a lesbian sleeping with a man, now that's cool. But bisexuality? Why go there?

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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WHAT DOES BISEXUAL MEAN?
By Bill Burleson

OK, What does the term "bisexual" mean?

Well, that's easy. Bisexual means being sexually attracted to both men and women. That's what the dictionary says. Of course, if you are trans, or your partner is trans, Webster left you out. So, lets say being bisexual is being attracted to more than one gender. Equally attracted, you ask? No, not necessarily. Some bi folks are more attracted to one gender than another. Indeed, some may be romantically attracted to say men, while more visually attracted to women. Or more sexual with women while exclusively fantasizing about men. Fact is bisexuality means something different for different bisexuals. Indeed, I suggest that perhaps being bisexual is being simply neither gay, lesbian, nor straight. Check a box: bisexuals are the "other.

Of course, that means we are large and sexually diverse group, and that's part of the beauty of it. Maybe defining bisexual isn't so easy after all.

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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HOW VERY QUEER
By Bill Burleson

"That's so queer."

What does that mean? To be sure, it means very different things to different people, and very different things depending on the circumstances and the messenger.

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) communities have been trying to come to terms with the word "queer" for nearly a decade now, and we seem no closer to consensus than before. Some would argue that queer is the wave of the future; an all-encompassing word for all the different parts of the GLBT community, united in their societal role of outsider. Others argue that the scars run too deep; they remember all too well the schoolyard taunts and hate-filled connotations.

Me, I like the term, and use it often to describe myself. That said, it appears to me that it isn't going to work for all BTLG people, and not just because of the past connotations either. If queer were problematic only for its past, there would be hope that time will heal. Alas, this isn't the case.

Here's an example of what I mean. A couple of years ago a Pride friend (you all know what a pride friend is right? A person you only see at Pride once a year where you scream and hug and promise to get together soon only to not see them again until next year) asked me for the umpteenth Pride in a row to come over and hang out on his boat. I thought great, let's make plans and do it this time. When the day came, I arrived at the dock and we set out. Once we were out on the lake (and too far for me to jump overboard and swim back) he told me that he needed to make a quick stop on this island he and some friends partied on the previous night to pick up the trash. And pick up the trash we did. Neatly wrapped bags and off we went? No no no. Policing up the grounds and cabin for hours. The end of the story is that after several hours we hoped back in the boat and returned to dock. Elapsed time in the water? Oh, about twenty minutes. The moral of the story is there is a reason why they are only Pride friends.

But back to the point. During our stay on the island, several of the partiers from the night before came by÷ not to help, of course÷but to pick up where they left off. Now, on the face of it, that wasn't a bad thing, right? Well, in this case, it was. Bottom line is that I was stuck on an island with ten of the biggest rednecks ever to grace the GLBT community. We are talking white guys in reflective rap-around sunglasses, belching contests, crushing beer cans, smashing things and Republican politics. Lets just say Queer Eye for the Straight Guy this is not.

At one point, the discussion went to an old topic in the community: the use of the acronym LGBT. One guy said, "GLBTQWXYZ, what's with all the letters, anyway (BELCH)." To which I replied, "For me, I like the word ÎQueer.'" All ten guys stopped and stared at me in wonder. At that moment, I had an epiphany: never, ever, ever, not in a million years, will these guys ever call themselves "queer." Not because the school yard insults, but because they are decidedly NOT queer.

Queer is more than sexual orientation or gender identity. Queer has a politic that did not apply to these guys. Queer reflects an embracing the "otherness" in us. For example, a straight person could identify as queer, if they believe their degree of otherness qualifies them.

The reason I like queer is because I wish for an all-inclusive term for the greater TBLG community that doesn't involve initials. I long for language that promises more than mere coalition but reflects instead a truly big tent for oppressed sexual minorities, including those not L,G,B or T.

Unfortunately, wish in one hand...you know the rest. Fact is there are those who don't like queer for the very same reason I do÷that it is inclusive. An old friend of mine told me long ago that she didn't like queer because it included bisexuals (such as myself) and transgender people, with whom she wasn't interested in being included. I should have said a former friend.

But it is clear to me that she is more in the mainstream than I on this issue. Language is meaningful and organic÷if English speakers wanted an inclusive term, if the BTLG community was truly one community, we would have one. Nothing is stopping us but the inability to wrap our minds around the idea.

So go ahead, call me queer; I like it. I want to be part of a larger movement that is about inclusion, not exclusion. But if I have to take sides, count me in with the trans folk, leather women and men, Radical Fairies and poly community, and not with the wrap around sunglass Republicans. For them, I guess we can always be Pride friends, allegorically and literally.

So if I don't see you before, I'll guess I'll see you at pride.

Bill Burleson is a Twin Cities writer, and no, he won't go out on your boat.

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE?
By Bill Burleson

How many bi folks are there? I'm sure we can solve that in a minute, even though no two researchers ever comes up with the same number...hell, no two researchers can agree on the definition of "Bisexual!"

Indeed, there in lies the problem when we try to get a census: who are we counting? Those who self identify as bisexual? People who behave "bisexually" by having sex with more than one gender regardless of what they call themselves? If that latter, where's the bar? Sleep with one person other than you're usual fair and you are bi? Or one each in the last year?

So who knows? If it helps, best guess from a couple of studies is that there about 1 to 3 or 4% of the adult population self identifies as bi.

More important is to consider this: why should it matter? What if you were the only one? Would it be wrong? No. It is a fundamental human right to love whomever and however you please with other consenting adults. It is not a matter to be voted on. But, you know the old saying, "it shouldn't matter, but until it doesn't matter, it matters."

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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BRING OUT THE BISEXUALS
By Bill Burleson

Tonight, forgoing my usual evening of reading Tolstoy, I opted instead for a relaxing evening of PBS. Alright, alright, that's bullshit. I was doing what I am almost always doing at 10:35, surfing into Seinfeld reruns. No matter, the point is a funny thing happened on my way to the show: I flipped into Jerry Springer.

Now this isn't the first time I've surfed into the Springer by accident. I'm aware of this icon of American culture enough to get by at parties, even though I've never watched more than ten seconds it. Really, let's face it, that's pretty much all you need to get what's going on. Here you are lazing about working over the clicker, and all of a sudden a spectacle worthy of Armageddon flashes up on the screen. Ugly people (and I don't mean physically, although if you wanted to go that way you could) flashing their ugly lives (double meaning intended) on national TV, not a one carrying a full boat of 46 chromosomes. Surely there is not a god, because if there were, these folks would be pillars of salt and human lightning rods.

But this evening, something happened. Tonight was the first time I actually watched a whole episode. Why? Because the topic was "Bring Out the Bisexuals."

Indeed. Lets bring them out. First was a woman stripper who left her man for the arms of another stripper. Second was a transsexual leaving his wife for the arms of his gay lover. Third was a woman who left her man and now she's in the arms of her sister. With these "people" as a base, add in yelling and screaming, men in black restraining them, loud beeps, censored squares, a chanting audience, and a stage full of people defying Darwin every day they live, and you have the idea. Cheap trashy fun for the whole family.

But I didn't watch it for the cheap trashy fun of it. Really, I'm being honest this time. I watched it because it occurred to me that this is where most Americans get their information about bisexuality. Of course most Americans have little or no information at all, but when they do see the word "bisexual," it's when surfing past shows like this. Not from the Bisexual Resource Center, not from GLAD, not from BiNET, they "learn" about bisexuals from Jenny Jones, Montel Williams, and Jerry Springer, not to mention Penthouse Forum, Hustler and Playboy.

Which is a great contrast from what I see. As an active and involved person in the bisexual community, what I see is an interesting, intelligent, articulate, compassionate community that bears no likeness to the one on TV tonight. I see a community of gentle people, hardly willing or able to tussle on a stage with "their man" and several bouncers in black. I see a community hopelessly maligned by the media at every turn, be it in this trashy arena or in mainstream films such as Basic Instinct. Go ahead; name one positive depiction of a bi man in a film.

All this makes it harder for us to be out in our work lives, our families, and our community. All this makes it more important for those who can be out to come out, so we can speak up against this image of our community by being a real-life bisexual. I'm not suggesting that you need to be a credit to your orientation. No, here the bar is low; to improve on Jerry, all you need to be is sentient.

Of course, bisexuals are far from the sole owner of the "abused by the media" mantle; the entire GLBT community suffers in the press. Years past, after spending GLBT Pride with two hundred thousand fellow travelers, one could count on coming home and seeing the event on the news for fifteen seconds with two sensational pictures. And the history of African Americans in film is a case study of media marginalization (check out the Boondocks for the scoop on that). That said, there are two unique features of depictions of bisexuals in the media: first, there aren't any. We are invisible. Second, there is one exception the first feature, we have Jerry, and all his screaming sagittal crested friends.

"Lets bring out the bisexuals?" Let's not, OK?

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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BI COMMUNITY DANCE
By Bill Burleson

Saturday night of the most recent BECAUSE Conference: the Midwest Conference on Bisexuality, featured a community dance. It was there, as I was dancing, ok, lurching, around the dance floor, that I had an epiphany. Very difficult to both dance and have epiphany at the same time. Trust me, you could hurt yourself. I was not just that I was dancing in a crowd of bisexuals÷although that was pretty cool. No, that was part of it, but only a small part.

My epiphany had its origin earlier in the evening. I was talking to someone I didnât know, a man who was at a bisexuality conference for the first time. He was dissatisfied with some small conference detail that wasnât very small to him. I probably said something like, ãwell, volunteers, eh?ä Knowing full well I had the shelter of not having been a volunteer this year.

Then, at the dance, Gary Lingen, a Twin Cities bisexual activist for, I donât know, about 80 years, and I were talking. He suggested that I was now reaching the point in the community of being one of the honored elders. ãHonored eldersä is my term; he said ãdinosaur.ä Anyway, he didnât have to tell me, I know Iâve become an old-timer. Iâm happy with that. Indeed, I had long looked forward to the day I could sit back and say, ãHumph. When I was working on BECAUSE, we did it this way·ä As it turns out, however, that hasnât been nearly as satisfying as watching the seeds grow that I helped plant; feeling I played a role, however small, in what this all is.

Anyway, to my epiphany. It occurred to me that for many people on that dance floor, the event was a commodity. It is something they purchased for $70 plus $20 for dinner. If they arenât satisfied, if the service isnât up to speed, they will return it like a cheap sweater from Target. Fair enough.

For me though, and I think for many more people on that dance floor, ãcommodityä was the least of its qualities. When I looked around, I saw people who Iâve known for a day and people Iâve known for the best part of a decade. Around me I see people form relationships, break up, and form new relationships once again. I see my fellow bisexuals have families and watch their children grow. I see people who love each other, people who hate each other, and everything in between. I see friendships come and go, lovers come and go, and friends turn to enemies, and enemies to friends, all there on that dance floor.

Now the epiphany: Thatâs a community. Itâs just like any community. Itâs just like a small town with all the flavor, dysfunction, connection, support, and continuity that come with it. Theyâre not my 100 best friends, yet I fully expect to know many of my fellow dancers the rest of my life. We will grow old together, if not all friends at least living on the same allegorical street in our town. We are all in this together, whether we like it or not. I can stay home, but I canât make believe I donât have a role here. For me it is anything but a commodity, it is a big part of who I am as a social, tribal, flocking being.

Now for those of you who were there, you can judge for yourself if I am a better philosopher than I am a dancer. I sure hope so.

Bill Burleson is a freelance writer and author of
BI AMERICA: MYTHS, TRUTHS, AND STRUGGLES OF AN INVISIBLE COMMUNITY
coming from Haworth Press in the fall of 2004. http://www.bi101.org/

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