Bi Men Network: Gigi from Bi Net Houston Essay Page

Freedom

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Our culture has traditionally valued freedom. Yet when it comes to sexual expression, freedom tends to be limited to one choice, that of heterosexual monogamous sexual expression. What are some of the blocks to freedom of sexual expression? There are some that are readily apparent and there are some that can be elusive.

Social pressure is certainly one of the big blocks that stands out to curb freedom of sexual expression. Yet social pressure is a very complex concept. It helps to break down the concept of social pressure into various components to gain a better understanding of what forces are at work.

Religion and conservativism are certainly at work here. I often hear about "Family Values," but I have never really gotten a good definition of what "Family Values" are. Where do they come from? Those who fly the banner of family values tend to be conservatives and Christian. Family values embrace the concept of heterosexual monogamy and heterosexual marriage in a rigid fashion, stating that all other forms of sexual expression are destructive. Yet, where do these concepts originate, and are they true?

If we look to the Bible for examples of family values, then we would be obligated to offer our daughters to our male business associates for sexual services as a form of good hospitality. We would also be required to practice incest. Some fathers may be required to prove their faith by sacrificing their son on an altar. Certainly these are not the family values they want us to embrace.

Are they instead referring to the decade of the 1950s? True, there was less divorce than there is now, but that doesn't mean the marriages were always happy. Women were expected to conform to their husbands' wishes, men couldn't express any strong emotions, and children had no rights at all and were often subjected to various degrees of what we would call child abuse today. (Remember "spare the rod and spoil the child"?) And that doesn't even touch on the experiences of anyone who wasn't white, heterosexual, and Christian. Are these really the kinds of "family values" we want to return to?

This is not the only block to freedom of sexual expression. There are some very subtle forces at work. Myth and taboo both play a role in silently enforcing the social pressure to conform.

Taboo - "Taboo is a form of psycho-social control more potent than even the most rigid moral code. . . . A taboo is a prohibition collectively shared by a society, with a force so strong that it is rarely questioned or even discussed. It just is." Anal Pleasure & Health a guide for men and women by Jack Morin, Ph.D. p.16.

Myth - A myth is a collective belief or set of beliefs that are based on the ideology of a group rather than on an analysis of facts.

Many people have very strong feelings about various sexual acts which tend to block healthy sexual expression which are not based on an analysis of fact. There are many taboos in our culture centered around anal sex, oral sex, and sex that deviates from the norm. Bisexuality in men is especially taboo in our culture.

I first experienced sex with another boy before I learned about the words "homosexual" and "bisexual." Once I learned about these words and the silent implication that these were bad, I became confused. Later in my life, when I got caught playing with some other boys sexually, the implication was not so silent. How can "homosexual" and "bisexual" be terms that indicate bad, evil and sin?

The experience I first had with that first boy and the later experiences I had with others were incredible. How could something that feels so good be bad? My first thought was that whoever considered this as bad probably had never experienced homosexuality and/or bisexuality. I knew that as far as I was concerned, someone had made a mistake, and I thought if they only took time to experience it, they would know what I knew. Part of what I knew was that I had experienced true freedom in sexual expression and that I had a choice.

I see bisexuality as a sexual frontier. I admire the courage it takes to be a bisexual male. We are truly frontiersmen, whether in or out of the closet. Being in the closet has a cost. It takes a lot of energy to keep the secret, and there is always the fear of being outed and exposed. Being out of the closet also has a cost. For many, it could cost us our livelihood as well as impact many areas of our lives.

Although bisexuality has always been around since the beginnings of human civilization and before, it is a repressed sexual orientation in our society. We do not have many bisexual role models. How we express ourselves sexually and how we set up bisexual relationships is a new frontier within our society. There is a wonderful diversity among bisexuals and even more
diversity in how we each choose to live life as a bisexual.

The Bi Men Network serves several important roles. It allows those who need to be in the closet an opportunity to meet kindred spirits. As we meet others who are bisexual, we become less alienated and isolated. I remember when I first met other bisexuals, it felt like coming home. Bisexuals are my family of choice. The Bi Men Network provides an avenue for bringing together sex partners. It allows us to share experiences, sexual information and sex education information with one another. It serves as a cyber community and gives us power in knowing there are many of us around. It helps in the process of an emerging bisexual identity. It provides a safe environment to explore bisexual issues. It helps to dispell the myths that
surround bisexuality.

I hope that we all one day will have freedom of sexual expression and gender expression without any social repercussions. It is our birthright to have the freedom to choose how we as adults want to explore our own sexuality. To further explore bisexual issues and sacred sex, visit my website at: http://www.sacredsexsociety.com

Gigi's Bio:
Gigi Raven Wilbur has been following an eclectic pagan sacred sex path since pre-adolescence. She has studied art, philosophy, ancient civilizations and ancient religions, has a Bachelors Degree in Philosophy and has a Masters Degree in Social Work. He has been actively involve in the Transgender community, in the BDSM community, and in the bisexual community (winner of the AIB Globe Award for Outstanding Service to the Bisexual World Community). She has studied human sexuality in both undergraduate and graduate studies programs. Gigi is intersex (hermaphrodite) and identifies as being pansexual. He currently practices as a prostitute priestess in the temple of sacred sex.

Gigi is a co-producer of AfterHours, Queer Radio with Attitude, a radio program that provides information about human sexuality ( http://www.kpft.org/ ). The bisexual segment of AfterHours airs on the first Saturday of each month and can be tuned in on the web at the KPFT home page. She has been hosting the bisexual segment of AfterHours for over 9 years.

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