wearing jockstraps tend to make it with other people wearing jockstraps.
Nobody makes it with people wearing pink bikinis.
You can have a heart attack fucking in the whirlpool.
It is *extremely* hazardous to your health to attempt to inhale
poppers while under water.
Saying "I'm resting" to everyone who seeks entry into
your room defeats the purpose of going to the baths.
If everyone who said "I don't come here often" was telling
the truth, there would be no one there.
Those who lay naked on their stomachs with their asses in the air
remind one of electric pencil sharpeners.
Conversation in the orgy room should be kept to a minimum. Grunts,
groans, notices that "i'm coming," and invitations to
do it in a room instead are acceptable; discussions of the weather,
ex-lovers, favorite lubricants, the quality of the darkness, and
the pros and cons of cockrings are not.
If you are looking for a wonderfully spiritual union with a kindred
spirit, you are in the wrong place.
Do not assume that the guys walking into walls are on some weird
new drug; most likely, they have just left their glasses in their
lockers. It is better to look good than to see good.
Once in a while, do your good deed for the gay: let an old troll
suck your cock. Such magnanimous gestures are duly recorded by the
great faggot in the sky, and when you are an old troll, the favors
will be returned in kind. Yes, Virginia, that's the way it works.
Please realize that bathrooms, even those at the tubs, do have legitimate
purposes. Giving someone a blowjob in a cubicle while outside the
locked door seven guys are turning various shades of green will
not make you popular.
If you are tempted to wear a Lacoste shirt with your towel, understand
that many people would find it a capital offense.
Finish what you start.
If you see a man in a room with a can of crisco, a thick belt, and
a bottle of poppers neatly arrayed on the little table, before entering,
be certain you know the purpose of all three items.
When it's past the wrist is not the time to say no.
It's O.K. to bring your own rope; it's not o.k. to tie yourself
Spending seventy-two consecutive hours at the tubs will neither
destroy your reputation nor greatly enhance it.
If you are at the baths busily cheating on your lover, don't make
a scene should you discover him there.
People who say "I've never done that before" should be
informed that the ability to deep throat is not genetic.
Those who lose the keys to their rooms or lockers are never heard
The law of increasing good looks: People tend to become more attractive
the longer you are there.
In the dark all cats are gray, but ten inches is still better than
Men with small cocks can be sexually tremendous if they are technically
proficient, but men with big dicks don't have to know a damn thing.
Doing it for England is a valid a reason for doing it as any.
A primitive tribe in borneo does not have a word for "no"
in its language. Natives deny sexual favors by looking mournful
and saying "I'd like to but I just came."
After you've been fucked by twelve guys in the orgy room, you will
never again convince anyone with your coy routine.
Asking to borrow someone's cockring is even more tasteless than
asking to borrow someone's comb.
Law of maximum discomfort:
When they call your room number or locker number to the front desk,
you will inevitably be in a position impossible to get out of quickly
without seriously injuring yourself.
You can cause a panic by yelling, "there's a man in room 379."
For a real hoot, go to the baths without having used alcohol or
drugs. It is truly amazing how fabulously you will be able to make
out when you are the only one there in a solid state.
Giggling is *not* a correct response to "wanna fuck?"
If you can remember the title of the porno movie that was showing
in the "rest section," you did not have a good time.
It is pointless to consider why guys who won't even talk to you
at the bars are so eager to suck your cock at the baths.
Spending more than two hours with one number at the baths makes
you two "an item." More than four hours makes you engaged.
On a good night, it is possible to commit bigamy.
For some unknown reason, it is considered embarrassing to make it
with someone you already know.
No one ever believes the line, "we're really not lovers."
At all times, remember that tubbing is a participation, not a spectator,
Spending hours deciding what to wear to the tubs is a particularly
inane waste of time.
*Never* try to explain the baths to heterosexuals or your wife!
of more than three bath cards makes you a serious faggot.
Georgina's law of the weight room: People working out are doing
it for your benefit, not theirs.
Formal attire means a black jockstrap.
Contrary to popular belief, one can indeed be too clean.
You can never be too rich, too muscular, or have too big of a dick.
Believe it or not, it is possible to have good sex without using
poppers. A man in New Jersey claims to do it all the time.