It occurred to me just recently as to how your perceptions can gradually change. I remember when I was a late teen/early 20s and having my explorations with other guys that I always struggled to understand how I equally had sexual drives for women. Certainly the men that I was with (who were committed gays) didn‚t have any so they were not the ones to talk to.

I remember one night when I was nearly 20. I had emjoyed a lot of M2M contact by this time. I met a guy in a bar who was a businessman on his way home from work. I found out that he was married and I remember being stunned that here was a guy with a wife and kids who wanted to have sex with me. I wanted to ask him all about that but clearly all he wanted to do was get down to business. As it happens he was an incredible lover and was happy for me to do anything to him that I wanted--and I did--but that's another story. I never saw him again but for the first time in my naiveté I realized that there was a middle ground so to speak. It changed my life and I married and became a father soon after.

For all of that, in the days before the Internet, I believed that married men who lusted after other men were a minority and an abnormality in the natural order of things where men were either heterosexual or homosexual. I had very limited contacts during the next 20 years and usually with gay guys that I met on business trips: "one off" contacts, and in those days still generating a certain amount of guilt and denial that I attributed to being away from my family and usually with a few drinks in me. Even the occasional married guy that I might meet in another state didn't take away the feeling that it was some exclusive little club that I was some sort of President of.

So somewhere in recent years I discovered the Web and its rapidly increasing number of sites dedicated to married bisexual men. Men who for the most part are dedicated to keeping the sanctity of their marriage and family intact. Men who usually act and sound, and for all intents and purposes are completely heterosexual except for their recognition of the power and passion of sex with other men. Men who maintain mortgages and have "honey-do" lists at home, who take out the trash and jump around on the sidelines at their kid's sporting events.

Through the power of the Internet I have had the great benefit of meeting many of these guys and it has radically changed my perception of this "club" that I thought was so exclusive. Young married guys with babies still; middle-aged guys who sweat the whole college tuition thing; mature guys who delight in their grandchildren. I even met one young guy fresh from his honeymoon and already on the hunt for some male companionship. All sharing this same intense and strong bond that makes us brothers no matter what creed, age, or socio-economic group we come from.

The thing that amazes me is the sheer scale of the numbers of men who are recognizing and accepting this reality and working hard to find some sort of balance in their lives. It is my heartfelt belief that the bisexual demographic is a powerful thing and in another generation (unfortunately I believe that it will take that long) there will be a lot of recognition of this situation. Heterosexuals and homosexuals tend to find us the most threatening since we cross both boundaries--that neat little (and totally false) black and white definition is crumbling. Women may be happy to have a gay friend who can shop and cry with them but would shun a bisexual friend who might just jump her bones as well as her brother!!

So this changed perception over the past few years has had one significant impact on me. My problem is an almost non-existent "gaydar" ability to spot another man who might be similarly inclined. Especially since the guys that I find most attractive are the average suburban married str8 guys like me who look to integrate this M2M relationship in with the rest of his life. Short of some guy wearing a flower behind his ear and vigorously massaging his swollen crotch at my eye level while we talk, I would never have the courage to cross that invisible boundary with my friends and peers. Even with those signals, I would probably worry that I was misreading it and I have never had a guy come onto me in my civilian life so I expect that I don't throw out any signals either.

The difference now, for me, is that I am willing to believe that any of the attractive guys that are around me every day--I work in the building industry so it is testosterone central--have as much likelihood and potential to be bisexual as I do. I work in a company of 5,000 employees--nearly half that number in the north-east where I am based--so sheer percentages indicate that a huge number of those masculine hairy str8 guys are probably players. So the exclusive club that I stupidly thought I was President of is now a society in itself. That young guy that I met after his honeymoon will probably enjoy his marriage in a very different sexual environment than I was able to--lucky bastard!!! FINIS