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"Bi Guy Blues"

"You know there is only one thing worse than being straight. It's being bi!" Everyone laughed, including Byron, who laughed so hard he had to grab for his napkin to contain the Diet Coke coming out of his nose. He had been mid-sip when Sammy started in with his Sunday Brunch stand-up. It is one of those unspoken, understood events in the chain of life. We go to church, we go to lunch, we order drinks, then food, and while we wait on the food Sammy gives us a 15 minute routine on this or that. Today the topic was bisexuals, or as Sammy called them; "Gays with training wheels." Why is it that the lowest form of queer life seems to be the bisexual? With so much diversity underneath the rainbow flag, one would think there are worse things than being bi. Naomi, one of my favorite drag queens (which says a lot because I am not a huge drag fan) and I got to talking the other night about this topic.

Naomi (a.k.a. Randy) is bi, a top when with a man, and a professional drag queen that doesn't need a day job because he makes more than enough strutting his stuff on stage. "What it boils down to is image. Gay folks think that bisexuals perpetuate the image that sexuality is a choice. Thus giving the radical right ammunition against them because some bisexuals choose to cut out the queer part of their life and live the straight and narrow. But I will tell you this, there wouldn't be that 'ten percent' without bisexuals. More people live someplace in the middle than all the way straight or all the way gay. Nothing in life is that black and white, if it were, then straight people would have an easier time accepting gays."

Naomi had a valid point, without any one group like the leather daddies, bears, butch lesbians, or even the smallest segment of our population, the transgendered people, we wouldn't make up 10% of the population. But how many people are really bi? Do they really float somewhere in between? And in all honesty, if you could choose whether your next relationship was going to be with a man or a woman, wouldn't life be easier if you chose the opposite sex?

I took my quest for answers to the Internet, more specifically America On Line (AOL.) I decided to see how many chat rooms there were specifically for Gay Men, Lesbians, and Bisexuals. I am good friends with a chat host who told me the most accurate time to poll something like that would be around 10pm eastern standard time. Everyone is home from work, and lifestyle chats are at their peak. Chats specific to gay men were at seven, lesbian chats were 9, but the bisexuals ruled the roost at 23. With 4 support chat rooms, 14 romance chat rooms, 3 conference rooms, and 2 general chats - I was in shock. Are that many people really bi?

One could argue that AOL is an unfair cross section because gay men and lesbians interested in dating newbies might choose to front as a bisexual. Or that curious people, gay and straight, linger there before deciding whether to turn back toward the straight path, or take the yellow brick road to OZ. Over a cup of chi tea the following morning, I was chatting with my best friend Angelica. She was in town visiting family, and had snuck off to chat with me before anyone was awake.

"Well I will tell you one thing, I think everyone has an exception to the rules. I mean, you know me. We like the same type of men! But if Angelina Jolie asked me to stay the night, I would lie and say I was a full fledged, card carrying lesbian! Wouldn't you?" No, not really. Not that I don't think she is beautiful, I do. But even in my previous life as a breeder she wasn't really my type. I always liked the short, well rounded women with curves, blessed with a great sense of fashion, who could wear leather Saturday night and Lace Sunday morning. But I would be a big fat liar if I said that there wasn't at least one woman that I was attracted to, maybe not enough to sustain a monogamous marriage that would keep us both smiling into our 80's, but she is a hottie nonetheless. Because she isn't a famous actress I won't reveal any names, but I will say this: she knows who she is.

So since my girl actually knows I like her, and the opportunity is there, does that make me bisexual too? Would Angelica really have a romp in the hay with Angelina? Would Steve, the bartender at the bear bar actually sleep with Catherine Zeta Jones if she was willing? Would any gay person, man or woman, actually take that leap of faith into bi-land, even if for just one evening? I am going to go out on a limb here and say they damn well should. That's right, to hell with lines and boundaries. Forget the labels that you have been wearing ever since the closet door hit the floor and you came out waving a pride flag. Being gay isn't really about who you sleep with, it is about your freedom to choose to sleep with that person regardless of what other people think is normal and acceptable.

I think that should go for the gay folks too! If you are the butch diesel dyke who has always wanted to ravage Freddie Prince, Jr. in a school boy and gym teacher fantasy, go for it! When the Drag Queen within tells you that you, Martin, would like to recreate the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson video with some blonde that thinks you are a cutie, what are you waiting for? The queer world is changing, it does that every couple of years. You can see it in the generation underneath you. Normally we sit and laugh at how silly these new things are, then ten years later we are used to the new ways and ideas and living by the new world order. But the men and women coming into their own, the ones a few years younger then me; they don't like labels. Gay, Straight, Bi, Omni, and A-sexual are becoming passZÁ.

The truth is that the members of the up and coming rainbow generation are no different from us, their predecessors. No more of them are actively bisexual versus being gay, lesbian, or even straight. They are merely reacting to the social integration of queer culture, a change that we have struggled very hard to help create! So stop and take a moment to smell the flowers. Even if they are on the "wrong" side of the fence. FINIS

© Cam Lindquist, All Rights Reserved.

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