- Do
not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave
me the hell alone.
- The
journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
a leaky tire.
- It's
always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Don't
be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- No
one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always
remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Never
test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It
may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
- It
is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
- If
you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
- Before
you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.
- If
at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give
a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If
you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
- Don't
squat with your spurs on.
- If
you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If
you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
- Some
days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- Don't
worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
- Good
judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
- The
quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.
- Timing
has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain-dance.
- A
closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct
tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.
- There
are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
- Experience
is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Never
miss a good chance to shut up."
FINIS
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