The SWEET SIXTEEN STEPS to You Making That SPECIAL Bi Guy Friend!

STEP ONE: Resolve to make the effort to meet and make that special male pal and friend. Casual sex is easy enough to find - and is easily found especially with gay guys or "professionals" - the actors, dancers, models, masseurs and escorts of the materialistic world of today

You do not just post an INTRODUCTION or buy a PERSONALS AD - and bang bang meet a special bi or gay male that you could see spending many years of pleasurable time in their company - in an ongoing, hopefully longtime relationship..

You SHOULD feel this desire for a special buddy - pal - friend - or soul mate. It does not matter what you may CALL HIM - if you want - "Prince Charming" is just fine. But of course do not tell your wife or likely anyone else your are UP to meet "Prince Charming". That's our little secret.

PUT THE WELCOME MAT OUT! Be sure there is room in your heart and schedule for such a person. It takes time to make a friend and to be a friend. What goes around comes around. If you stand up a guy again and again or are always late or act like you don't care it won't work.

START VISUALIZING time and space in your life and heart for a such a special friend. This is not a "trick". This might be like the big or little brother you never had but with a sex kicker. It may be like an old army buddy or fraternity brother with a sex kicker. When in the shower or on a
commute or such imagine what it could be like. Make sure the welcome mat is out for such a SPECIAL FRIEND and pal. There must be room in your heart and life.

STEP TWO: Where you can do so - discreetly and safely let those you know and are close to you - KNOW that you are open to a new male buddy and friend.

NO don't say you are looking for a good poke or great head - but DO share that you are a tad lonely and would like to have a buddy to go fishing with - or to go hunting or camping or hiking with. An equal - someone to talk man to man.

OR maybe a gym buddy would help keep you motivated - or a jogging partner - or a sailing buddy. Or someone to share the expenses and driving to go hiking or camping or fishing or skiing. Be sure to emphasize ACTIVITIES that your wife does NOT like to engage in that you DO. State your human yearning for some warm human - but male companionship.

MOST WOMEN have many girl friends.

MOST WOMEN realize men have more trouble making and keeping friends. Let your wife KNOW you would like a buddy. Tell her quietly that you have mulled over your last year or so and you realize you need a buddy to just hang out with and do things with. ELIMINATE her obvious picks of guys at work - as "I don't want to mix business with the off hours!" or "All the guys from work live too far away from us!" IF you just have to - tell her you don't like a guy's vibes or he has had B.O. just too many times - or whatever. Tell her you are looking for a buddy and to keep her eyes open but discreetly reject her easy target (unless hi is bi and your type!).

LET HER KNOW - you are looking and open to a new MALE BUDDY - this way when you start "interviewing" candidates this is no major surprise to her. Also the fact you are sharing BEFORE your Prince comes will put you more at ease with it all as well. He may in fact be a "walking marital aide". He may in fact be the best thing that ever happened for her and to your marriage. This remains to be seen. Get HER used to the idea as well as you opening your heart and life to this guy.

Some wives may try to push you off to spend more time with the kids! SMILE and agree with her but say you need an equal and a man you can talk to as well. Also mention that if SHE likes him - AND his wife - you guys can "double" and do trips and/or evenings out on the town.

Some wives may try to push you into classes or volunteer work - but brush that aside too. You want to find a new male buddy you can share FUN WITH. That fun includes both sex and doing things you and he both enjoy - in and out of the sack!

STEP THREE: Start now - it takes TIME!

Plan your campaign and strategize. Do NOT start a campaign to meet a very special friend when you are overworked or stressed out. Better to PLAN during such times and answer a few ADS from other guys and "dabble" here and there.

BONE UP on our "A to Z" TIPS at:   http://www.bimen.org/atoz.htm

There is a great deal of overlap - so HERE we are treating with the very unique aspects of LOOKING and IN FINDING a very special bi guy for you!

What are you looking for? Try to define what you are looking for. Do not limit yourself but be sure to ascertain what are IN FACT "deal-breakers" for you. If you can not stand smokers - well get that out front. IF you do not want a gay guy - get that set in your mind. Realize that the more "deal breakers" you pile on - the more you are limiting your chances and prospects for success - but NO REASON to waste your time or theirs on the real "DEAL BREAKERS".

BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOURSELF.

We all feel and even act younger than our age. We all have rose-colored shades on when it comes to our REAL LOOK. Without putting yourself down - recognize your current limitations - and target men who will be at ease with you and your situation. But also realize that LOOKS are not the main priority with bi guys as opposed to many gay men and some gals.

OK - you have strategized - you have an idea of what you are looking for and what for sure you DO NOT WANT. You have made room in your heart and mind for a new "special friend" in your life. You have alerted family and friends that you are a tad lonely and would like a buddy or two.
You have TIME to start looking and so now you do so.

STEP FOUR: You join the Bi MEN local, statewide and regional GROUPS for your home area (and anywhere you travel all the time). You also join the SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS - that fit you - as Bi-MEN-DADS - and you join any of the new SPORTS Groups (see below) here at Bi MEN where you have a real and continuing interest in that sport.

Find them at: http://www.bimen.org

IF for example you live in or near ATLANTA, GA - join:
Bi MEN ATLANTA
Bi MEN GEORGIA
Bi MEN SOUTH

You are a daddy and like daddies. add  Bi MEN DADS
Your are into boating, hiking and camping. 
Bi MEN CAMPING AND HIKING
Bi MEN WATER SPORTS
You travel often to Myrtle Beach, SC. add  Bi MEN SOUTH CAROLINA

To cut down on emails - go to no mail or DIGEST on most of these groups. That way you can post YOUR Intro to all of them but not get too much email.

NOW  dust off your Yahoo PROFILE - get it nice and spiffy - go to Yahoo and EDIT your information there. If you have PG PIC put it in your Yahoo PROFILE - but make sure your Yahoo PROFILE is not XXX rated. Give your age, sex, and general location. Have a discreet email address for them to reply to. List all your REAL INTERESTS.

Join Yahoo INTERESTS groups for all areas you are interested in and the bi and gay regional groups for your area. Some guys may FIND YOU via your profile. Be sure you have a discreet email address listed where you can be contacted. Make sure that box does NOT bounce emails.

Make sure your Yahoo PROFILE is current - updated - and presents you in the best light possible. List all your interests that you'd like to share with a special friend.

POST YOUR INTRODUCTION - once a week or so WHEN you have time to reply to the E-mails and can meet guys. Send your INTRO to all the Bi MEN GROUPS that are in your area and have your special interests. LIST your Yahoo PROFILE - the link in the body of your INTRO. Give enough INFO so that a person who you want to meet - has enough info to want to reply to you.

IF you spend 30 seconds posting a boring - "HI I am mwm 51 in So Calif. email me to meet" - who wants that?

Be sure to have your UPDATED Profile in your INTRODUCTION - so they can click onto it. AS:

http://profiles.yahoo.com/txnMAC
or
http://profiles.yahoo.com/handymanStewart
SO:
http://profiles.yahoo.com/ Your Yahoo ID

Put out as many ways to contact you discreetly as you can. IM - voice mail - cell phone - certain hours of certain days - email - if there may be a delay in your reply to guys - tell them. Clue them in.

DO UNTO OTHERS as you'd want done.

Keep posting your INTRO 2-3 times a month when you are open to meet guys and have the time and interest to do so.

IF it is too much work and you get tired TAKE A BREAK. Get back to this quest when you are in the mood and have time. IN the interim - dabble here and there - as often happens in life - love finds you when you are NOT really looking for it.

BUT you are OPEN to it and the welcome mat is OUT and you have ROOM for it.

STEP FIVE: To tell or not to tell that you are in fact seeking a SPECIAL SOMEONE. If you
are committed as say the CLOSED LOOP guys are to finding just one guy to match your one gal in a 2nd exclusive ongoing relationship - perhaps it is best to tell.

IF you might in time just ENJOY playing the field - or this is all new to you - it is likely best to just leave this open.  ALL OF US are open to long-term situations. IF it happens it happens. BUT early on you are better to just state you are seeking a "regular" or ongoing buddy. Seeming too eager or desperate can scare away some of the top candidates. Don't make it heavy - keep it light.

ALSO be HONEST about what kind of TIME you can give to them. IF you can see a guy once a month that may not be enough for many guys. If you can see a guy about once a week say so. If only once a month say so.

IF you are MARRIED and PLAN to stay MARRIED or want to do so - STATE this.

Do not get some gay guy screaming later you led him on or played with his heart. IF you think a woman scorned can be a bitch - don't find out about irate queens.

STEP SIX: SHARED INTERESTS are keys to an ongoing "special friend". When you have both great sex and fun times out of the rack with your buddy - all the better. By this time your wife knows you love to play golf, or go sailing, or hike or go camping. Concentrate on those areas SHE does not enjoy sharing with you and avoid areas where you might be denying your younger children as well.

You NEED a "cover" for your new male buddy or buddies. Going out to sports events can be such a cover. Going out fishing or hunting another. A jogging or work-out partner or tennis match are others. Concentrate on those areas WHERE SHE WILL WELCOME you getting out of the house - ie. to do some exercise; turn the tv off; giving her the home to herself; whatever works for her. Do NOT take from her - give to her - i.e. peace of mind that you are getting some exercise and relaxing out of the home. Mention again and again you want to make a FRIEND - about your age - an equal - not from work - not a relative or family - not from church - so on an so on. Let her get bored of hearing about it so when you meet someone she is happy.

BUT look for someone with one or more shared interests. The more - all the better. ALSO such a person with such interests who is a guy about your age should by now BE NO BIG SURPRISE at home.

STEP SEVEN: You have posted your INTRODUCTIONS to all the Bi MEN Groups in your area and all the appropriate sports and special interest groups - with you profile and with a good INTRO you'd want to see and you would likely reply to yourself!

Also see our Bi MEN WINNERS GUIDE for other spots to post an INTRO and a PERSONAL AD. Get the word out there! IF a few months go by with no luck then widen your search with Sexy Ads and Craig's List ads and prowl chat rooms too!

Your Yahoo PROFILE is posted and has current contact info. Your email box is not clogged and bouncing. You can be easily reached where and when you state. OK! DO  take time to answer your emails. Some emails are NOT worthy of a reply. IF they are not responsive to your Intro
ignore. IF someone sounds good reply.

Promptness counts! If you are BUSY BUSY BUSY with work or such at least reply - "SOUNDS GREAT - I am very interested - but on a tight deadline at work. Bear with me! Back with you ASAP."

Get a dialogue going - share - and then chat - then meet. See the Bi MEN "A to Z" Guide on these particulars.

STEP EIGHT: Start "interviewing" candidates - one at a time. Your WIFE knows you are looking for such a new buddy. IF you are a golfer and would be going out anyway - include him. IF you don't have time - meet for a drink or for a cup of coffee.

Get  yourself and your family used to the idea that you are "INTERVIEWING" candidates for this position as your new friend. Take it slow and easy. If sex happens it happens. It if was good and he has some promise - meet again.

KEEP INTERVIEWING until you "know".

STEP NINE: Even if you take a month off now and then due to WORK - or Family Summer Vacations - or whatever - keep at it.

Do not let this grind to a halt. Do not CRAWL back in to your old RUT.

Even if you redecorate that rut it will be the same old rut - served up again!

BEST to keep this in motion. IF you stop again - you will soon come to a full stop and it could lead you to DANGEROUS ACTIVITIES  - as bookstore or public sex, an arrest, or hustlers and muggers who prey on lonely, horny old farts!

Even if you end up interviewing a 100 MEN in the next TEN years and have casual sex with half of them and NEVER find one special bi guy - sure beats that!

STEP TEN: FINALLY - one month, one year or one decade later you have met HIM - the special bi guy! GREAT! Whether to bring him into your circle of family and friends should be a long and drawn-out process. BEST at the beginning to keep any and all contacts with your family and friends very brief. Be the TEENAGE GIRL with the rude boyfriend who honks for her.

You do not want your WIFE and FAMILY see you or HIM acting like giddy teenage girls with new vibrators. ALSO if it does not work out - long-term - you want to avoid any discussions of what happened to so and so.

ALSO you need to get used to HIM and grow at ease and comfortable with HIM one on one in neutral settings OUTSIDE your home and family and friends. Let the natural EXCITEMENT die down before you bring the family into play. AND openly discuss it at length with him before you do so.  Remind one another of things  you must avoid. Most wives will not cotton to a husband's buddy called: "Honey Buns" in her presence. Holding hands is not a good idea either.

Getting the wives and families involved is a long-term matter. IT is also best if perhaps with time you can DOUBLE DATE so the two women are busy with one another and NOT just your wife or his wife with full attention on the men.
 
IF IT TURNS OUT that your wife and family NEVER KNOW ABOUT or MEET your special bi guy - that is fine too.

STEP ELEVEN: OKAY _ your first choice was another bisexual guy - maybe married - maybe single or divorced and it is six, nine months later and THAT has not happened.

Are you meeting enough guys to go ahead and continue with a BI GUY SEARCH or is it time to consider a gay guy???

QUICK SEX with gay guys is easy enough and easily found - but to have an ongoing relationship with a gay guy can be very tricky. SOMETIMES you must be as careful dating a gay guy as you would be with another woman.

Be completely honest with anyone you meet bi or gay male in this search. IF you are married and want to stay that way - SAY SO. If your marriage is in trouble - say so. DO not lead anyone on or give anyone false hopes.
Some gay guys are fine with bi men. BUT do not be upset if you find out that he in turn may have a stable of married men. The best gay men for bi married men are just those types - who will let you go your way - let you come and go - and enjoy you when and if they get to see you.

BUT - if your search has gone on for NINE MONTHS or longer with no bi guy in sight - widen the search - either geographically (willing to travel) - or include gay men - or both.

STEP TWELVE: OK. Nine months or a year later - whatever it took - hopefully you were lucky and it took only a month or so - YOU'VE MET THE SPECIAL bi guy!

Great. Make it special and keep it special. IF you made the mistake of not paying attention to your wife and her needs - DON'T DARE DO IT AGAIN HERE!

Each relationship has its own dynamics but make him feel special - keep it going - don't take him for granted. Meet his needs or someone else will.

GUYS are different. We need variety. With time you may want to consider adding a buddy here or there. Maybe a one time thing - maybe a repeat. Be open to this. You are FIRST and so is he - but a little variety might be nice. THREESOMES can be fun and exciting.

STEP THIRTEEN: Further down the road - you may want to get a small group of bi guys together for a WEEKEND of CAMPING. You may want to get a poker group together. You and your MAIN MAN could become the focus for bi guys in your area.   This is all well and good and will keep many bi men happy. Consider it as a possible NATURAL PROGRESSION.

We need DEN FATHERS at the Bi Men!

IF it happens - it happens. Let it happen.

STEP FOURTEEN: What if you have tried all this for say nine months and YOU have not met a special guy? Are you happy playing the field? Do you still hunger for a special buddy? Some guys ENJOY THE CHASE! Are you one of those - if so - enjoy the chase! Keep going at it - and just enjoy the chase. IF NOT WIDEN THE SEARCH. Each month - do some "WILD" thing to get the word out there - beyond this ongoing Bi MEN program.

IF you are a GOLFER - put out an ad or notice - MWM mid 40's seeking a regular buddy for golfing, good times and companionship. Once a month post this AD or NOTICE in some public venue. You may be surprised at the response.

Just using MWM will tip off bi guys that you may be in play. IF you are Black - MBM - or put it out in full: Married White Male or Married Black Male or Married Latino Male.

YOUR WIFE and family know you are looking for a buddy and have been doing so for a long time now. They do not need to know about these ADS or NOTICES.

Scout around for places to put such ADS or NOTICES - as Bulletin Boards at the Golf Club - or Church - or whatever. Consider local papers - especially the "Alternative Papers". NOT gay rags of course.

THIS WILL REQUIRE YOU TO BE MORE CAREFUL in your first chats and meetings but you may find a great guy!

KEEP TRYING a new AD or POSTING each month. Realize that if you live in a remote and thinly populated area it may take some time.

STEP FIFTEEN: IF this has failed in your HOME AREA - then you must live in some remote area.  You will need to broaden your search to a larger city or populated area that you visit regularly or which you could get to once a month for such a special bi guy.

Keep searching in YOUR area - but widen the search to a better, nearby target area.

STEP SIXTEEN: WHEN and IF it is ever time to move on! DO SO! This is NOT a marriage. IF the time comes to move on - do so. Try to stay friends or friendly. Or as indicated let the one on one relationship evolve into a threesome here and there - or you and he become DEN FATHERS to a group of Bi MEN SCOUTS in your area!

Your relationships with MEN will not mirror those with your WIFE. I myself do not believe in the CLOSED LOOP model. It may work for a chosen few.

Don't kid yourself. MEN are ANIMALS and they like a little variety. One guy and one woman may not be enough for you. Or maybe it got stale - or the sex went bad or whatever. Move on - but hopefully that is YEARS ahead.

SO get moving. The QUEST starts with but a single step - get moving!

And to start the New Year right we now have TEN spanking new SPORTS INTEREST GROUPS for the Bi MEN:

Bi-MEN-BIKERS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-BIKERS

Bi-MEN-BOWLING
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-BOWLING

Bi-MEN-CAMPING-AND-HIKING
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-CAMPING-AND-HIKING

Bi-MEN-FIELD-AND-STREAM
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-FIELD-AND-STREAM

Bi-MEN-GOLFERS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-GOLFERS

Bi-MEN-RUNNERS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-RUNNERS

Bi-MEN-SPORTS-FANS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-SPORTS-FANS

Bi-MEN-TENNIS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-TENNIS

Bi-MEN-WINTER-SPORTS
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bi-MEN-WINTER-SPORTS

THESE GROUPS are to help YOU make new friends and have a discreet, workable cover for safe, secure Bi Men friendships.

Join the Bi MEN Groups that service the men in your local area, state and region as well as any special interest groups.

HAPPY HUNTING - enjoy the chase!
Hugs and Best Wishes,
Stewart ("Mac") McCloud
Founder and Moderator
The Bi MEN NETWORK
http://www.bimen.org
txgoodbiguy@msn.com -- MAC

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Other bi-themed essays and articles which may be of interest to you:

Sean and Jennifer Discuss Some of the Issues of Bisexuality in Marriage

Bidentity

Return to "Wednesday's Child" Directory

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