Bi MEN NETWORK has grown from just 100 lonely brave bi guys in February
of 1999 to now over 250,000 bisexual and bi-curious men and many gay friends
and bi couples with us here worldwide. By June of 1999 we had grown
like wild Western brush FIRES to over 5,000 men in just months. NOW
in our 7th year we have over 1/4 million adult male members on all six
the early days - in 1999 around about Father's Day--with my new
excitement and enthusiasm--I warmly embraced the Bi MEN NETWORK
as a "calling" and took it on full time with the support
of many bi men members who generously joined and funded us as lifetime
members and with a series of grants from the AI.B. (now Bi Foundation)
a tax-exempt 501C3 charitable organization.
that time I did start to openly announce and even proclaim my own bisexuality
and my new "calling" to close friends, family members and
colleagues at my local church where I worked with the homeless. To this
day - years later - I never cease to both be amazed and amused how "straight"
folks and even gays and Lesbians start to actually shiver/shudder/shake
in their seats after letting this "cat out of the bag!" Likely
it was INEVITABLE that I would share this news since I had chosen to
take this on full time. At the time it made sense - now many years
later - I FIRMLY BELIEVE that for most of our 1/4 million bisexual and
bi-curious guys here:
BISEXUALITY/YOUR BISEXUALITY is a very personal, private matter!
had alienated my immediate family and many friends. While some
have come through like SAINTS - by and far all it does is make many
others VERY UNCOMFORTABLE and rather oddly even serves to alienate
ANTIPATHY and UNEASE of many gays, Lesbians, and heterosexuals with
a fully-ANNOUNCED bisexual is amazing (that is an entire other
essay) - but the minute it comes up - many otherwise enlightened and
tolerant people start to obviously SQUIRM in their seats.
may be that TODAY in the USA - at least I would project - that
San Francisco, and West Hollywood, Ft. Lauderdale, and Manhattan - may
well be the only four enlightened enclaves where one can comfortably
proclaim oneself bisexual. AND with those four areas - I am NOT suggesting
the entire METROPOLITAN areas - just those four enclaves of those major
metro areas. In Canada it seems that Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver
are also nicely bi-friendly metro areas.
had high hopes now years ago at the turn of the new century and a brand new
milleniumv MOST PEOPLE would be more open and accepting of our BISEXUALITY.
I no longer believe that is true - it may well take another decade or
two if not even longer. Increasingly we must also face the problem and
obstacle-course of "bisexual erasure". Increasingly many of
both or gay and Lesbian "friends" and members of the heterosexual
world DENY that bisexuals actually exist. Witness the late Summer "storm"
of the NY TIMES feature that bi men are really gay men. "Bisexual
erasure" promotes the myth that bisexuality is merely a bridge
and not a destination. It also leads to the similarity of true bisexuals
to mythical unicorns of old fables!.
at this time I suggest that it is just GREAT that we have one another
HERE and the relatively few other places receptive to bisexuals. That
is why here at the Bi MEN NETWORK I am increasing a focus on finding
TRUE bi-friendly venues and not just those that welcome the GREEN of
our money - but friends who accept bisexuality as both a bridge for
some and a lifelong destination for many.
one can or should decide YOUR sexuality for you and we seek more and
more true friends worldwide who are truly bi-friendly and genuine
friends to bi guys and to our Bi Men Network. We should and must all
stick together - and I am delighted that we will be having our own FIFTH
Bi MEN GETAWAY WEEKEND - and FIFTH Bi MEN CONFERENCE - for our members
and friends worldwide in Las Vegas, NV USA. Do come join the fun - bisexual,
bi-curious and gay men from around the world have joined us over the
years for these one of a kind events. See our EVENTS page(s): www.bimen.org/events.htm
2006 promises to be even better than Spring 2005 which was a remarkable
success. After many, many years in the trenches - I do now
believe and suggest to all here that OUR BISEXUALITY is our own personal
concern - it is our own private business - and not the concern of
anyone else. IF and when you do choose to disclose this to another person
- as a spouse, family member, old friend, or colleague - you should
do so only after very serious review and consideration.
must learn to accept that there is NO WAY to surely determine how such
a revelation of bisexuality will be accepted and lived with in the immediate
future. OFTEN over time it is ultimately a good decision and results
in richer, deeper more meaningful relationships but that is NOT always
the case. One must prepare for both the best case and worst case scenarios
and all the infinite shades of gray between.
my humble view - IT should be on a NEED to KNOW basis and this is my
current belief system after many years of intense exposure to this grave
subject and the results of ill-considered revelations of bisexuality
ME the "cat is out of the bag" and now I even take some joy
and even relish in seeing others' reactions - but then I can more readily
do this as the FOUNDER and full-time employee here at our Bi Men Network.
Thankfully the ruptures with most of my family have healed but I have
lost and alienated a few friends. Yet over time I have made many
wonderful replacements here at our Bi Men Network and via our Bi Men
Network. This is one major subject we discuss at our Bi Men events.
MANY married men here - want so very much to bring forth and reveal their
bisexual status to their wives, family members and loved ones.
It is a repeated and good discussion topic here. But be sure
to review this for some time and be sure that this is the best, and
wiser course of action for you BOTH. Are you wanting to reveal this
for the greater good of you both - are your reasons loving and giving?
Will this be for the greater good of both of you and your family - especially
any younger children living at home as well as your wife?
sure that you are not "fessing up" due to your own guilt and
anxiety - seeking merely to set up a misery loves company scenario or
some unhealthy, unloving attempt to hurt or injure your wife. Whatever
you may decide it is YOUR OWN VERY PERSONAL DECISION TO TELL OR NOT
TO TELL. You must take full responsibility for telling and the aftermath
of telling. Be prepared for the good, the bad, and the ugly that may
well be the immediate results.
as said after my own sad experiences and many "war stories"
I have heard for years now - I believe it is a PRIVATE CONCERN.
It seems we are like the very early CHRISTIANS in the Roman Empire
- needing to stick together and draw depictions of FISH in
the SAND to know who you can talk with freely and openly and who
you can trust to be discreet.
must learn to love and accept US - ourselves - and that is another
great facet of our Bi MEN NETWORK and our Bi MEN FORUM discussion
group. Our motto over the years - from the get-go - has been and is:
"YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" and now with over 250,000 of us
worldwide and a great program of coming bi men events that is
now very much true.
last year of law school at the University of California's Hastings College
of Law in San Francisco we were allowed three visits that year
to a volunteer psychiatrist at UC MEDICAL CENTER. That last year I was
troubled by my sexuality and going into the real world in a legal career
where I knew you could not be open about it (especially outside San
Francisco as I had clerked for a very conservative, Blue Chip Baltimore
old-line law firm).
draw was a delightful older lady, a Hungarian refugee from the 1956
anti- Communist Hungarian Revolt, who was now into two decades as a
psychiatrist in lively over-sexed San Francisco. Each visit she
would urge me on in a deep accent - made me think of FREUD - only two
more visits - only one more visit (i.e."Cough it up fast!").
our last session - she went on to say: "Mr. McCloud - they have
a coffee room at Hastings Law School --- NO???? You have coffee daily
with your legal colleagues there --- NO?????? You are at the table -
and you are so very concerned about YOUR Sexuality! NO???????
after two decades here in San Francisco - one of the major sexual capitals
of the world - I can assure you: ONE MAN at that table - is happily
married - but when his wife is away likes to try on her clothes and
masturbate. SHE often wonders how and why her clothes are all stretched
out - but says nothing - just buying more new things. DOES this man
feel compelled to share over coffee these sexual needs and his desires??????
BUT -- NO!!!!
MAN at that table is also happily married - but can only get erect and
perform for his wife as they say "DOG STYLE" - and he speaks
to her quite nastily while doing so. Does he feel compelled to speak
of this openly or does she????? BUT --- NO!!!
THIRD MAN - will be a lifelong bachelor - with a large collection of
soiled women's panties - taken from his previous female conquests -
he likes to smell them - remember the conquests - and masturbate.
Does he share this with you men there? NO!!!
YOU - you in San Francisco - a little missionary position with both
sexes and lots of French Active and Passive with mainly one sex -- you
are NOTHING more than a mere garden-variety BISEXUAL - nothing more
- nothing less - and your TALE also is not for discussion over coffee
at the Hastings Coffee Room. These things are merely personal and quite
intimate and are of no one's concern but your own. GO and do not worry
so much about such things!"
TO KNOW THAT IS THE ANSWER AS A GENERAL RULE OF THUMB! SO I do conclude
our BISEXUALITY is no one else's business or concern and is
best kept to OURSELVES!
A GENERAL RULE
OF THUMB = "NEED TO KNOW - ONLY!" So Bi Men Members and
friends - what do you guys think?
send your comments and your feedback to our Bi MEN FORUM Group - if
not with that Group - join us it at: www.bimen.org - free! THIS IS JUST
the TYPE of "STUFF" we share and will discuss at our
5th Bi MEN GETAWAY WEEKEND and 5th Bi MEN CONFERENCE in Las Vegas and
hope you can and will join us there. ALSO help us each day to make bisexuality
a destination and not just a bridge and help prove over time that BISEXUALS
are NOT UNICORNS - that we do truly exist and in fact thrive on this
Sincere Best Wishes & Big Hugs!
Stewart (Mac) McCloud
Bi MEN NETWORK - www.bimen.org
NOW over 250,000 guys with us today!!